IT'S OK TO QUIT YOUR JOB

It's funny how you don't realise how unhappy you have been with a certain aspect of your life until you find a better situation. I quit my day job, after 2.5 years being at it, in October, and have been working my ass off at my new gig for the last month

From a section editor of a local website, I'm now an Editor of an entire website, which is part of an expanding international media group.

I know that for the past ten months before Sassy came along, I haven't been excited about my job at all, and for many reasons - one of which includes being a responsible adult - I pulled up my big girl panties every morning and went to work. I didn't bother looking for a different job because despite every infuriating monthly pickle I'd find myself in, it was comfortable. And comfort isn't exactly the best thing when you want to be a better version of yourself tomorrow.

If you're thinking of quitting the job that you have now for a new one, it's ok to. Yes, think about your financial responsibilities and think about what you have to sacrifice. But here are some whys and whens it's time you quit that job.

QUIT YOUR JOB IF... YOU'RE BORED & UNINSPIRED

I was trying. I really was. I was coming up with new ideas - I was trying to create video content but after two and a half years at a role that wasn't going anywhere and I received no recognition, or appreciation of any kind, I was incredibly unmotivated and I felt down and defeated. I mean, I emotional when I'm PMSing, but I don't usually get down and out about life. I was exhausted with the monotony of my own existence. It shouldn't be a way for anyone to live.

QUIT YOUR JOB IF... YOU HATE THE WORK

I love writing - it's my first love, and will always, always be but it came to a point where I resented even the mere thought of writing, and if I did, I wouldn't even add my byline to it. What was the point of putting your name to something that you're not proud of? If you hate what you do, leave.

QUIT YOUR JOB IF... YOU DON'T WANT THE JOB YOUR BOSS HAS

I never wanted my old boss' job. Not because I don't want to run a website, because obviously I do that now, although in a different dynamic, but because it was a website I never wanted to run. In the time I was there, I tried to change what I could with what I had and I liked the product I had created... until I didn't like it anymore. If you're staying put in your current job because of career advancement and yet you don't want your boss' job, get out of there.

QUIT YOUR JOB IF... YOU'RE STAYING FOR LOYALTY'S SAKE

I am fiercely loyal. Unabashedly unfalteringly so. But let me tell you this - if you stay at a job because you're loyal to the company or the people that you work with, mark my words - it will take you nowhere. Nobody has your back other than the people you can truly call family - and that doesn't even necessarily mean the people related to you (my extended paternal family for example, save for one cousin, are all dead or non-existent to me). People are fundamentally selfish creatures - it's unfortunate but it is what it is. People who sit opposite you at work can be saccharinely sweet, but take it from me - maybe add some salt to it. Sometimes people are just really, really good liars.

While I like to believe that we live in a world where humans care for each other, I've seen that that's not true. When push comes to shove, I will walk through fire to protect my tribe - and other people, people whom I have had no emotional connection with, will be left behind. 

QUIT YOUR JOB IF... YOUR DUTIES HAVE INCREASED BUT YOUR PAY HASN'T

Your pay cannot be the same from Day 1 to Day 400, duh. Sometimes increase in workload without a pay raise may be due to downsizing, and sometimes it’s just management being assholes and taking advantage of you. Either way, it might be time to pursue options that compensate you fairly.

QUIT YOUR JOB IF... YOU WAKE UP DREADING THE DAY

All I looked forward to for the first ten months of the year was going to the gym, because going to the gym would mark the end of one work day, and yes I still look forward to the gym, but it's only so that I can slam balls and lift heavy shit like a #BAMF. 

I am so incredibly happy where I am in my career right now. It's about time you did too.

SH*T I'M REALLY INTO AT THE MOMENT

As told to you via my Instagram. 

I AM REALLY INTO

Platypus Gourmet2Go salad boxes are like, #legittheshit. I'm not even fucking with you. I love food (as you can probably already tell) and I get really angry when I pay for food and get shitty food in return. DON'T SELL FOOD IF YOU CAN'T COOK, NUMBSKULLS.

But back to Platypus. For S$6.90, you get proteins (their salmon and smoked duck are my favourites), carbs (pasta or paella rice), beans and greens. Worth. Every. Cent.

In the realms of fashun, I've been turning to maxi skirts and long, drapey pants, much to my mother's delight of course, as opposed to my barely there mini skirts. Sometimes, I throw on a short skirt and while I think my legs look bangin' (thank you Ritual), I wonder if I'm too old to pull of a mini. When does a mini become too mini?

If you've liked my Page on Facebook, you would have heard me lamenting about the Commando Challenge and the training and nutrition I will be putting myself through. I'm both excited and scared at the same time, but I'm determined to get ripped as fuck at the end of the eight weeks.

That said though, you know what I'm obsessed with? Under Armour everythang. After a few months of working out in their sports bras, I wonder why I ever bothered with the shit LuluLemon churns out. Granted, there are some things that I love from LuluLemon like their bra tops which works for yoga, but for a brand that has been initially made for women who do sports, their support bras are jackshit compared to Under Armour's.

HAVE YOU HEARD? My currently will-remain-anonymous business partner (who is like, a pro in social media analytics and research shit that I will never understand) have set up our own social media management and creatives outfit, Fancypants & Co.! You know I've been doing social media content for awhile, so after a certain incident that happened some time last, I decided that it was time I sharpened my claws and go all out. We're in the beginning stages of our business of course (we don't even have a website or namecards out!) but we've signed two clients. Pretty wicked, huh? Get in touch if you need social media wizardry!

On a final note, I am so close to losing my shit. I haven't been out of the country since I came back from Cali some months ago. This must be a record of some sort. Saving money for a wedding is tough, guys. This travel drought needs to come to an end. Soon.

THINGS I HAVE LEARNT IN MY LATE TWENTIES

It's OK to let some relationships go.

It's hard to walk away from relationships you've built - whether it's a relationship with your career, a friendship, or a romantic relationship, but if all you have had were years and the biggest thing holding you back from letting go is the time you've put into it, it's time to pull up your big girl panties and call it quits.

People will give you shit for it, and people will tell you to hold on and think about how much you've put into it. You're old enough to know what's best for you and what your gut is telling you to do. Listen to yourself.

Nobody's opinion is better than your own.

I have spent many years doubting myself, my capabilities, my appearance, and the decisions I have made in life. Learning to cultivate self-trust is one of the most important and significant things I have been doing in the recent years, and being with John has helped me a lot with this. He's taught me that people's views are not more relevant than my own. It doesn't matter if they're older, more established, more successful or better educated.

Knowing what's right for you is your truth. 

Dress according to what you think looks good - not what other people think looks good.

I am very proud of the fact that I've marched to the beat of my own drum most of the time, except I have faltered and fallen into the pits of mimicking a trend because it looks good on someone else. I've grown up, grown older and I know what's good for me, and what's bad on me.

Don't be afraid to ask for help, but don't be the needy person who seeks help all the time.

In many ways my parents have taught me independence - I know I can fend for myself when push comes to shove. I'm a hustler. And because of that, while I will ask for help, I won't ask for help unless I absolutely need to. 

Find your tribe.

In my early twenties, my social circle was diverse and sometimes, obnoxiously huge. These days, the people I hang out with are my #tribe. I may not see them more any more than once in a month or two, but we stay in touch constantly, I seek them out for opinions and advice and I share things with them because I want to. 

Love your family.

Remember that your family is who you choose, not who share a bloodline. I've learnt that through a series of unfortunate incidences with the paternal side of my bloodline (most of whom I detest).

Family refer to the people I love - my tribe, my parents, my brother, a handful of cousins (literally a handful, like you could count with five fingers) and their offsprings and my future husband. I would walk through fire for my family, so I choose my family and protect them fiercely.

It's OK to not know what you want.

Again, whether in career, in love or in life, it's OK to not know what you want. It's OK not to know what you want to be when you "grow up", it's OK not to know what type of partner you want, it's OK not to know where you want to to be ten years from now (just pretend you do know shit at a job interview, though). Know what you don't want. And perhaps, through a process of elimination, you'll find what you've been looking for all along.

Own up to shit

I've made mistakes - even big ones in the past year or so. Instead of flaking, or trying to assign blame, the easiest way to get around the mess you've created for yourself, is to own up to your own shit. Own up, learn from your stupidity and move on.

Routine medical procedure is important.

Don't be a dumbass. Get a pap smear, get your bits checked out, and listen to your body and react accordingly. Don't forget your dentist. Your dentist is your best once-in-six-months friend.

Don't give a shit about what mean girls think.

Mean Girls post-high school come in the form of insecure women, gay men with inferiority complexes or straight men who can't get laid. They will say nasty things about how you look, how you dress, what you should or shouldn't be wearing, what you're doing with your life, your body, and everything else. Don't give a fuck. Walk away. If push comes to shove, then punch them in the face.

Cheap underwear is never worth it.

Put down the Cotton On knickers. Grow up and get bras with support. You'll thank me some day.

Other people's baggage is theirs to deal with.

As much as you want to help, you are not being a good friend, partner or family member by taking responsibility for other people's problems. Support the people you love but allow them to work things out on their own; the goal is interdependence, not codependence. 

Your partner should complement you, not complete you.

You should be complete by yourself. 

Every day I'm thankful to God for bringing J and I together, and even when we're so far apart, I am more in love with in today more than I was yesterday. While the long distance kills us, in many ways it has made us and myself as an individual stronger and when we get through this nothing can break us. It also reminds me that I'm myself first, before I'm part of any other entity, whether it's my relationship with John, or as a family member to the people I love, or a friend.

In the almost-four-years we've been together, we're grown together, both as individuals and as a couple and at the end of the day, I know he's the one I want to come home to for the rest of my life. 

THE ASIAN EQUATION

  Photo via Refinery29

Photo via Refinery29

You know I have a lot of pet peeves. I don't have to list them, or go on about them, but I thought I'd highlight a discriminatory incident that happened earlier today that happens a lot and people don't even realise that they're doing it.

I found myself at an adorable beauty even earlier this afternoon, and during the presentation, the lady presenting was talking about how "we Asians have really sparse lashes, and unlike Indians or Caucasians, we don't even have thick eyebrows".

Here's my issue - I recognise myself as being Singaporean first, than Asian next. I was born in Asia, doesn't that make me Asian? I'm not of Chinese descent, therefore I'm not Asian? Someone highlighted on my Facebook that Indians, Pakistanis, and well, brown people in Asia are referred to as Southasian, but that doesn't make any sense to me because Thailand is part of Southeast Asia, too? I don't see them being referred to as Southasian.

You know, it's something I would brush off when I'm in the US. Asian means, someone of Chinese, Korean, Japanese, etc descent. I mean, yes, it is still a generic way of addressing people but the least I can expect is to be cast away from people who were born in the same country as I am right?

My point is - where do I belong? In a world where people throw around collective terminology thinking that there is some sort of cohesion in melding your origins, where do I, as an Indian Muslim woman who speaks no Indian languages but instead, has a pretty good grasp of English, Malay and a meagre vocabulary of Spanish, Hokkien and Mandarin (which includes a good load of cuss words). Where do I find that little part in society that I can call my own?

I'm not even the most complicated of people, too. Where would my and John's children be pigeonholed in society? The beautiful little things that they will be, together with my Blob and my niece Nora whose racial make-up is far more complicated than I can decipher, will be mushed together in a sphere called "mixed kids". 

I guess when you talk about "we" make sure it's actually collective. Make sure it's non-discriminatory. Make sure nobody feels cast aside and left out of the equation because their skin is a different colour than yours.

GROWING

Aging is confusing to me. In many ways, like other women, I'm terrified of the changes that will take over your youthful features. But on the other, I've always felt like there is an older version of me watching this rough draft. Watching my mistakes, tsking over my occasional melodrama, and maybe even sometimes applauding my juvenile naivety. I know I will eventually catch up to this older and wiser version but I can't help but to want it faster.

In truth, a lot of things get better with age - relationships, beautifully-made shoes, and perhaps, even oneself. I know I have. Maybe my older self is proudly rocking wrinkles and is one classyass grandma. This version of me just needs to believe that the best has yet to come.